How to live with a roommate

By: Sujata Chakraborty

Posted: 10/1/02

How am I going to live with a complete stranger? Is she going to like me? What if she is a freak?

You came to Hood College with hundreds of such questions in your mind. For many of you this is the first time away from home, your safe and secure haven with your parents. Some of you are the only child and have never had to share your room with anybody. But college is a completely different experience. Not only are you far away from home but you are also living with someone who is a complete stranger. You might be one of the lucky ones to find out that you have a lot in common with your roommate and will build a life long friendship with her, but it might also be that there is nothing in common between the two of you. It is in these situations that problems will arise.
"College freshman often do not realize that their roommates do not necessarily have to be their best friends. In fact, in many cases it has been seen that your best friend may not be the best roomate for you," Residential Support Person Kenya Brown said.
Everyone comes from different cultural and socio-economic backgrounds, and often in college you end up rooming with someone who has almost nothing in common with you. But in spite of these differences, you have to create a livable environment. Rooming with someone requires some patience, understanding and compromise. Here are some ways suggested by Hood College Campus Counselor Mary Ann Kerins that can help you maintain a good relationship with your roommate.
TALK: Communication is vital to any kind of relationship. You have to talk to your roommate. If you don't know her well then ask her about herself. Find out where she is from, what her likes and dislikes are, and what her sleeping or studying habits are. It is important that both of you be aware of each other's habits.
If there is something that is bothering you about your roommate then talk to her instead of telling your friends, who will not be able to do a lot to solve the problem. It is always better to approach her at the initial stage of the situation rather than to keep things mounting and letting the frustration build up.
BE POLITE: If you don't like something that your roommate is doing, tell her about your views politely. You are in college and are mature enough to understand that being rude will only make the situation worse. Problems are solved easily when discussed in a calm and rational manner.
BE CONSIDERATE: You are no longer at home. You are living with another person who has as much right to the room as you do, so learn to be considerate. If you are a night owl and she goes to bed early, then try not to make noise when she is asleep. Try not to be messy because she might not be comfortable living in clutter. If you have guests coming over, inform her about it in advance and ask her if she is comfortable with it.
SET GROUND RULES: Do not wait for a problem to arise. Take precautions before a conflict can occur. Fill out the Roommate Agreement Form very carefully. Once you know what you expect from each other, it becomes easier for you to act accordingly. Make decisions about when the room will be cleaned, the guest policy, the stereo-blasting hours, and about borrowing each other's things.
RESPECT AND HELP YOUR ROOMMATE: Treat her the way you want to be treated. If she is sick, ask her if she needs to go to the doctor; if she is upset, ask her if she wants to talk. You and your roommate might be coming from completely different backgrounds, sometimes even from different countries. So open up your mind and learn about different cultures and religions. College gives you an excellent opportunity to learn from each other.
MEDIATION: If the two of you cannot resolve a conflict, then talk to a Peer Supporter. Every dorm has Peer Supporters who are always ready to talk to you. They have been trained to help you deal with various issues. They will be neutral and will help you come up with solutions which are realistic and will work for both of you.
If the problem remains unsolved even after the intervention of the Peer Supporter, then you can talk to a Residential Support Person. Hood College has three R.S.P.'s who live on campus and are available to help the students to resolve their issues.
Finally, if things still do not work out, then you should consider changing your roommate for the next semester. A roommate change should really be your last resort. Both you and your roommate will have to communicate and compromise if you want things to work out between the two of you.
LAUGH AND BE HAPPY: Finally, the most important thing necessary to have a pleasant relationship is to be happy. Everyone has bad times in their lives, but those times won't last forever. Sometimes it is nice to laugh at yourself; it takes the stress out of your life. College grooms you for the real world and living with a roommate is extremely helpful as it prepares you to deal with various people and situations that you will face in life.
The following is the contact information for the Peer Supporters. You can contact any of them regardless of which dorm you live in.

Adrianne Wells: Coblentz 201, X1601;
Chanda Gilmore: Coblentz 333, X 1663;
Amy Thompson: Memorial 108, X1708;
Ashley Simon: Memorial 208, X1738;
Dolores Hooban: Meyran 213, X1843;
Smita Mukherjee: Meyran 313, X 1873;
Betty Mengistu: Smith 305, X1855;
RaMeicha Cooks: Shriner 205, X1935;
Rebecca Popowitz: Shriner 305, X1965.